


Hiiro Yui

by Sophonisba



Category: DR. SEUSS - Works, Gundam Wing
Genre: Crack, Multi, Picture book, storyboard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-20
Updated: 2011-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-15 19:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophonisba/pseuds/Sophonisba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the greatest love and affection for Theodore Seuss Geisel, long and justly famed as purveyor of the <em>special</em> crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hiiro Yui

**Author's Note:**

> This is a storyboard for a picture book that I would have written could I draw.
> 
> If anyone feels the urge to illustrate any or all of the storyboards, I shall love them forever.

**Page 1.**

 _[Relena, sitting up in bed and stretching. Next to her is a large day-planner propped up on the nightstand, with "Today: matchmake" written on it in kanji.]_

* * *

 **Page 2.**

 _[Relena, dressed in Cinque school uniform, dragging Hiiro bump-bump-bump downstairs by his ankle. (I've reused this mental image twice while still trying to figure out how to draw. This time, however, he is wearing his Cinque school uniform)]_

* * *

 **Page 3.**

 _TITLE_ : Hiiro Yui _[in large comical-looking script]_

based on a reasonably well-known work by Theodore Seuss Geisel

 _[Relena's pink limousine]_

* * *

 **Page 4.**

 _[Limousine pulling up in front of Random Unspecified Industrial-Looking Location]_

* * *

 **Page 5.**

 _[Relena getting out of the limousine. She holds a sign saying "Relena no ojousan."]_

* * *

 **Page 6.**

 _[Relena dragging Hiiro out of the limousine (still by his ankle). The sign in her other hand says "Relena-jousan."]_

 **Page 7.**

 _[Duo, sitting on a metallic-looking box and waiting to be ninety, watching them]_

* * *

 **Page 8.**

 _[Limousine driving away]_

 **Page 9.**

 _[Hiiro and Relena standing next to each other. Relena is beaming and holding a sign saying "Relena-lady." Hiiro looks a little uncertain]_

* * *

 **Page 10.**

Hi there, Hiiro!  
Hello, lady!

 **Page 11.**

What brings you here  
to talk with me?

 _[Two-page spread: Duo standing up (on the right) and moving to greet Hiiro and Relena]_

* * *

 **Page 12.**

 _[Relena speaking to Duo, gesturing to her taciturn companion]_

Would you boink Hiiro Yui?

* * *

 **Page 13.**

 _[Duo, crashed in traditional Takahashi Rumiko "bikkuri shita" pose]_

* * *

 **Page 14.**

No way would I  
boink him, lady!  
I will not boink  
Hiiro Yui!

 _[Relena looks mildly startled. Beside her, Hiiro has a large bead of sweat on the right side of his head. They are both looking at page 15,]_

 **Page 15.**

 _[on which Duo is waving his arms in front of himself as if to ward off the suggestion]_

* * *

 **Page 16.**

Would you boink him  
here or there?

 _[Relena stands, page cutting her off from the knees down, left arm pointing right and right arm pointing left]_

 **Page 17.**

 _[Duo (farther in the background) stands, hands on his hips, a Grumpy Squiggle above his head]_

* * *

 **Page 18.**

I would not boink him  
here or there.  
I would not boink him  
anywhere.  
I will not boink  
Hiiro Yui.  
I will not boink him,  
lady, see?

 _[close-up of Duo's indignant face]_

* * *

 **Page 19.**

 _[Hiiro starts to back away, but Relena grabs him firmly by the elbow]_

* * *

 **Page 20.**

Would you boink him  
in a house?  
Would you boink him  
as his spouse?

 _[Relena smiling wider, cat ears on her head (a la Hikaru or Yuzuriha), pointing cheerfully to the next page as Duo sweatdrops]_

 **Page 21.**

 _[Hiiro stands near a small, Seuss-style house perched on the edge of a precipice. Next to it is a small official-looking building with a sign in front of it saying "Courthouse"]_

* * *

 **Page 22.**

 _[The residence and courthouse have just exploded in balls of flame]_

I will not boink him  
in a house.  
I will not boink him  
as his spouse.  
I will not boink him  
here or there.  
I will not boink him  
anywhere.  
I will not boink Hiiro Yui.  
I will not boink him, lady, see?

 **Page 23.**

 _[Duo stalking off, thumb firmly pressed on the button of a detonator, Behind him, Hiiro and Relena (now sans cat ears) are hurrying to catch up]_

* * *

 **Page 24.**

Would you boink him  
in a box?  
Would you boink him  
eating lox?

 _[Duo looks pained. Behind him and to the right of the text, Relena's cat ears are back as she points to page 25]_

 **Page 25.**

 _[A large Seussian wooden box, painted red on the outside and open to the front, is hanging from a girder by a rope. Hiiro lounges inside, eating bright-orange salmon as sexily as possible]_

* * *

 **Page 26.**

 _[On the left side of the page, Duo is sitting on a high, narrow pile of red-painted scrap wood, arms crossed in a rather Wufei-ish pose]_

Not in a box.  
Not eating lox.  
Not in a house.  
Not as his spouse.

* * *

 **Page 27.**

I would not boink him here or there.  
I would not boink him anywhere.  
I would not boink Hiiro Yui.  
I will not boink him, lady, see?

 _[A distant view of three small figures, trotting down a red hill. As one might expect, the one with the braid is in the lead.]_

* * *

 **Page 28.**

Would you? Could you?  
With some beer?  
Drink some! Drink some!  
It's right here.

 _[Hiiro now has a large metal keg of beer on his shoulder -- and is still holding a plastic package half-full of lox in his other hand. Relena has just finished filling a stein with lager, and is turning to offer it to Duo on the next page]_

 **Page 29.**

I would not, could not,  
with some beer.

 _[Duo's expression is that of a devoted stout drinker when confronted with American cheap-ass pale beer]_

* * *

 **Page 30.**

You might like it,  
You will see.  
You might like it  
in a tree.

 _[A tree is growing, tilted decidedly sideways, out of bright yellow ground. On this page and the next, Hiiro is attempting to run up the trunk while balancing the keg and holding the lox]_

 _  
**Page 31.**   
_

_  
_[In the yellow foliage of the tree, Relena is gesturing with the now-empty stein while Duo backs farther and farther along a branch]_   
_

* * *

**Page 32.**

I would not, could not, in a tree.  
Nor with some beer. Just let me be!

 _[The tree is now bent nearly double, and is revealed to be atop a small bluff itself]_

 **Page 33.**

 _[Duo is standing on the end of his branch, shouting with one clenched fist, as encumbered Hiiro leans anxiously toward him, Relena nearly plastering herself to Hiiro's back]_

I will not boink him in a box.  
I will not boink him eating lox.  
I will not boink him in a house.  
I will not boink him as his spouse.  
I will not boink him here or there.  
I will not boink him anywhere.  
I will not boink Hiiro Yui.  
I will not boink him, lady, see?

* * *

 **Page 34.**

 _[The tree has apparently had enough and sprung back to its original position, minus its occupants]_

 **Page 35.**

A chair! A chair!  
A dentist's chair!  
Could you, would you,  
in a chair?

 _[The occupants, for their part, are flying through the air towards a handy dentist's chair, sitting all by itself on wheels out in the middle of nowhere]_

* * *

 **Page 36.**

Not in a chair! Not in a tree!  
Not drinking beer! Lady, leave be!  
I would not, could not, in a box.  
I would not, could not, eating lox.  
I will not boink him in a house.  
I will not boink him as his spouse.  
I will not boink him here or there.  
I will not boink him anywhere.  
I will not boink Hiiro Yui.  
I will not boink him, lady, see?

 _[A winding hillside road]_

 **Page 37.**

 _[The dentist's chair is charging feetfirst down the aforementioned road on its casters. Hiiro has managed to disport himself in the customary position of a dental chair occupant, to set the keg and lox safely on one of the little trays, and to put an arm around Relena's waist to keep her from slipping off as she sits on the edge of the chair. Duo is sitting astride Hiiro's knees, facing them and still clenching his fist, as they are about to enter a tunnel]_

* * *

 _[Two-page spread: the chair full of people whizzing through the tunnel. Duo has apparently come to a realization of the suggestiveness of his last position and is trying to lift himself with his hands in order to shift -- which, of course, looks even more wrong]_

 **Page 38.**

Ne!  
In the dark?  
Here in the dark?  
Would you, could you, in the dark?

 **Page 39.**

I would not, could not,  
in the dark.

* * *

 **Page 40.**

Would you, could you,  
with your hair?

 _[Duo is attempting, by judicious use of his knees, to get Hiiro to spread his legs and leave the foot of the chair vacant. Hiiro is trying to suppress a smirk. Relena has leaned forward and is trailing a finger down Duo's braid]_

* * *

 **Page 41.**

I would not, could not, with my hair.  
Not in the dark. Not in a chair.  
Not drinking beer. Not in a tree.  
I don't like him that way, you see.  
Not in a house. Not in a box.  
Not as his spouse. Not eating lox.  
I will not boink him here or there.  
I will not boink him anywhere!

 _[Close-up of Duo, indignantly clutching his braid to his chest]_

* * *

 **Page 42.**

You will not boink  
Hiiro Yui?

 **Page 43.**

I will not  
boink Hiiro,  
lady.

 _[The hillside road has now changed to a viaduct, held up in true Seussian style by twine and tree branches, down which the chair full of people (Hiiro has now spread his legs wide enough that his lower legs dangle from each side, and Duo has turned around to sit crosslegged on the foot of the chair, chin resting in one hand and a disgruntled expression on his face, a la Ataru) is plunging towards an unknown destination]_

* * *

 **Page 44.**

Not even in your  
mobile suit?

 **Page 45.**

Of course not  
in my  
mobile suit!

 _[To the right of the words is a small line drawing depicting Duo in full insanely-laughing-Death mode piloting (and demonstrating just how little room there is in there)]_

 _[Two-page spread: the dentist's chair and viaduct are now above a suspiciously Deathscythe-bust-shot-looking pile of sacking]_

* * *

 **Page 46.**

Not even were you  
tied with jute?

 _[Two-page spread: Relena has produced a ball of twine from somewhere , spread a length between her hands, and is eyeing it and Duo with a speculative gleam, made worse by the fact that in addition to her cat ears she has also sprouted a twitching cat's tail. Duo is trying to back away from the crazy woman with the rope and has overbalanced the chair, which is toppling sideways onto the middle of Deathscythe]_

* * *

 **Page 48.**

I don't want to be tied with jute.  
And no way in my mobile suit.  
I will not boink him with my hair.  
I will not boink him in a chair.  
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!  
Not drinking beer! Lady, leave be!  
I will not boink him in a box.  
I will not boink him eating lox.  
I will not boink him in a house.  
I will not boink him as his spouse.  
I will not boink him here or there.  
I will not boink him anywhere!

 **Page 49.**

 _[The viaduct curves overhead in the upper right-hand corner. Beneath it, everything and everyone seems to have flown up off the chair; Hiiro appears to be trying to throw Relena at Duo, while the chair for its part has struck the sacking and is pulling it down behind Deathscythe's legs. (Deathscythe's body extends back onto page 48, btw.)]_

* * *

 **Page 50.**

 _[Most of the Gundam's leg is now bared. Hiiro is falling behind it, hand outstretched to grab the keg or perhaps the lox]_

 **Page 51.**

I will not  
boink  
Hiiro Yui!

 _[Duo is also falling behind his Gundam's leg, arms tightening around Relena]_

* * *

 **Page 52.**

I will not boink him,  
can't you see?

 _[Duo stands in a not-quite-settled pile of sacking, holding Relena in the standard "about to carry the woman off into the sunset" pose. She has lost the cat ears and tail and looks very pleased with herself]_

 **Page 53.**

 _[The sacking extends to where Hiiro is standing on the overturned dentist's chair, right arm uplifted to hold the keg high, twine ball on top of the keg, plastic package of lox balancing on one corner on top of the twine ball]_

* * *

 **Page 54.**

You will not boink him,  
so you say.  
You do not like him  
in that way.

 _[Relena is swinging down from Duo's arms (or Duo has moved his left arm out from under her knees, take your pick). Both of them look thoughtful.]_

 **Page 55.**

Why not try to,  
just for me?

 _[Hiiro has put his stuff down and is looking at the two of them, trying not to look hopeful]_

* * *

 **Page 56.**

 _[Hiiro, rear three-quarters view, from about the thighs up. He is looking at Duo and Relena on the next page]_

 **Page 57.**

Why not kiss him?  
Try and see.

 _[Relena is looking at Duo with big puppy eyes and pushing him towards Hiiro]_

* * *

 **Page 58.**

Relena!  
...fine, I agree.  
I will kiss him.  
Don't blame me.

 _[The angle has swung around again. Now Relena has settled herself on the keg, cat ears and tail out again as she practically hugs herself in delight, watching the two on the next page]_

 **Page 59.**

 _[In the foreground, Hiiro has picked up the end of Duo's braid and is fingering it. Duo leans toward him with a here-goes-nothing expression on his face]_

* * *

 **Page 60.**

 _[Top: reversed image again. Duo and Hiiro are tentatively kissing. Duo has laid his right hand on Hiiro's arm. In the lower right-hand corner, an SD kitty-Relena is bouncing happily]_

 _[Bottom: the kiss has gotten more involved. Duo's hand has made it to Hiiro's shoulder. Hiiro has slid an arm around the other boy. The SD Relena has lost her feline attributes, and is watching the two of them with the look of a creator who beholds her work and pronounces it Good]_

* * *

 **Page 61.**

 _[Top: they don't look as if they're going to stop anytime soon, although they now seem to be sitting down. Duo's hands are working on Hiiro's uniform jacket. Hiiro has slid his hand up into the useful-place-to-stash-an-eraser where the braid meets the back of the head, and dropped his other one to Duo's hip. The SD Relena is looking mildly disgruntled.]_

 _[Bottom: 1 &2 are still trying to see if it is possible to inhale kisses rather than oxygen, Duo has gotten Hiiro's uniform jacket open and slipped his hands inside, Hiiro is apparently compiling a list of Interesting Things To Do With A Hand In Duo's Pocket, and SD Relena is tapping her foot and looking at her wristwatch.]_

* * *

 **Page 62.**

 _[Duo is sitting straight up with the World's Biggest Shit-Eating Grin on his face. Hiiro is sitting astride Duo's legs and leaning backwards, working the uniform jacket off (he's wearing the spudge-green tanktop underneath).]_

 **Page 63.**

Hey!  
I LIKE Hiiro Yui!  
Why did I take so long to see?  
And I would boink him tied with jute,  
And boink him in my mobile suit...

 _[Relena is smiling and nodding her head]_

* * *

 **Page 64.**

And I would boink him with my hair.  
And in the dark. And in a chair.  
And in a tree. And drinking beer.  
(And keep doing that to my ear!)

 _[Duo is now sitting more-or-less in Hiiro's lap, unlacing his own boots. Hiiro is trying to swallow Duo's left ear]_

* * *

 **Page 65.**

 _[Relena, looking mildly surprised, is holding Hiiro's jacket and Duo's boots under her left arm, and with her right hand trying to help tug Hiiro's trousers off over his shoes (presumably Hiiro's trousers -- all that is visible of him on page 65 is his legs, and not much of them at that)]_

So I will boink him in a box.  
And I will boink him eating lox.  
And I will boink him in a house,  
and, if he accepts, as his spouse,  
and I will boink him here and there.  
Heck, I will boink him ANYWHERE!

* * *

 **Page 66.**

Why didn't you just tell me, huh?

 _[Close-up of Duo, braid streaming along the bottom of the page as he looks to the right]_

* * *

 **Page 67.**

Thank you!

 _[Close-up of Hiiro, forward three-quarter-left shot, mouth slightly parted]_

* * *

 **Page 68.**

Thank you, Relena!

 _[Hiiro is standing, holding Duo in the standard carry-off-into-the-sunset pose, revealing that he was wearing his spandex under his uniform trousers. Aside from the fact that Duo is rather larger, sticks out more at both ends (even with his hair tossed into his lap), and is holding the bundle of uniform and boots in his arms, it bears a distinct resemblance to the Endless Waltz flashback shot of Hiiro with the puppy in his arms. Of course, this Hiiro looks faintly happy rather than faintly grim]_

 **Page 69.**

 _[In the middleground, Relena is leaning against her limousine and waving]_

* * *

 **Page 70.**

 _[Relena is wearing a blue nightgown with teddy bears all over it and has a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. She is turning today's sheet of her day-planner over]_

* * *

 **Page 71.**

 _[The toothbrush is in a glass on the nightstand and Relena is climbing into bed, obscuring the view of the day-planner]_

* * *

 **Page 72.**

 _[Relena is curled up under the covers. Next to her, the day-planner says, in kanji, "Day after tomorrow: threesome."]_


End file.
